You may know David Cameron, you may not. For those of you who don’t, he’s the admirably arrogant leader of our country, our ‘Prime Minister’. Millions know him by this name, but very few know him by his real name and title: Circus Master Travis Dawson.
In this little know identity he runs what is known as the Animal Alliance, the sole suppliers of performing animals worldwide. From the dancing bears of Russia to the dolphins of the Miami sea life centre, no animal achieves gainful employment without their say so.
Up until now his vastly differing identities have never crossed paths. However, a seemingly trivial vote in the House of Commons today saw his dual lives exposed for all to see. The vote was over the abolition of performing circus animals. Cameron’s whips were supposed to see to it no one dared vote against the party line on this issue. Cameron was explicitly clear; no one was to support the ban. Whips first offered bribes, and later issued threats, in an effort to stem the flow of rebellion. But one man, Mark Pritchard, refused to be intimidated.
“I was offered incentive and reward on Monday, and then it was ratcheted up until last night, when I was threatened. I had a call from the prime minister’s office directly. I was told unless I withdraw this motion that the prime minister himself would look upon it very dimly indeed,” he said earlier today, and added, “Why is the government not listening to the will of this House, and, more importantly, the will of the people?” Pritchard drew so much publicity Cameron had to admit defeat and pass the bill he fought so abhorrently to dismiss, in the vain hope his sickening dual identity would forever remain shielded from the British public.
It was after the above events we began digging, digging deep; deep enough to expose the horrifying foundations on which David Cameron’s public persona is built. What we found was a harrowing web of money laundering, extortion, animal trafficking, fraud, and perhaps most disturbingly of all, clowns. It’s the clowns who run the show. After all, they have the perfect disguise, how many of you would recognise any of the countless celebrity clowns without their makeup? Cameron’s clown costume is of particular distaste, adorned with the eyes of a thousand eagles to signify his omnipresence within the Animal Alliance.
Cameron’s Animal Alliance is a disgusting organisation built on fear, threats and face-paint. They have their claws in everything, from carpeting to office supplies, and they will stop at nothing to achieve their ultimate goal: replacing dogs with dog-sized frogs. It’s a sick, sick vision, that I for one will have no part in. So please, spread the word, and next time you see a dog in the street, or in your home, or in your nightmares, just be thankful it’s not a dog-sized frog… yet.